"Sometimes I feel like I'm in a relationship with a committee, instead of just you," I told Tina. It was a frequent concern of mine. Tina and her Mom existed in a state of homeostasis. They were accustomed to making decisions together. I was a new element in that dynamic and probably a disruptive one, but I believed that as Tina and I were to be married, priority had to be on making decisions for the two of us. "I don't need two wives," I'd said.
Tina agreed with that sentiment, but often reversed course on agreements we'd formed together after conferring with her mother. It was frustrating, but I'm patient and adaptable. Ultimately, I just wanted everyone to be as happy as we could be in our circumstance. I was more than willing to compromise. It could be confusing having so many reversals, but everything about my relationship with Tina was confusing. It all kept me off balance.
I've come to learn that this kind of dependence on others for decision making is a common trait of people suffering from borderline personality disorder. It stems from a core lack of confidence. People with borderline traits often rely on a committee of sorts to govern the details of their lives.
Read this article at the new Adventures of Dan and Tina.
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